The Other Tummy Time

Hey Readers!

Well it's about 9:00p here as I start to write this, I put my son down for the night about a half hour ago and now my mind and my heart are full. Tonight Liam went down pretty easy like he does almost every other night but instead of just giving him his kiss and putting him in his crib tonight, I couldn't put him down. I sat looking at my son who is now creeping closer and closer to being a year old and I couldn't help but feel a little sad. I just sat in the chair thinking "I SWEAR you were just in my tummy.... right?" Time goes by SO fast, it's almost been two years since finding out I was carrying my sweet angel with my everyday in my growing tummy. I remember nights where he was kicking so hard I couldn't even sleep and sometimes that was really hard but sometimes, in the quiet of the night with my husband sleeping next to me, I just sat watching my belly move and jump and couldn't help but smile. I couldn't help but wonder what he would become, what he will look like, will I be a good mom? Now that I sat again tonight actually holding my beautiful son in my arms, I STILL had those questions. I wonder
what you will become, I wonder what you will grow to look like, will I ALWAYS be a good mom? But now that Liam is here and now that he is growing, learning, experiencing life, I'm faced with so many more hard questions I don't want to face and so many realities I know to come. Will you ever be so
mad at me in rage and anger, you'll say you hate me and make me feel a tinge of pain when you do? When will you have your first crush? When will you come home crying or confused at something someone did that was a "no no" at home. When will you hear swearing and know it's bad but understand that it is "part of the world now" and then came the realizations. Someday, you'll get married, someday, you're going to say goodbye to me for two years to go on a mission and leave our home to grow into a young man. Someday... you won't be my baby anymore and suddenly... "someday" started to get tears to come to my eyes, "someday" made me feel sick and scared for you to face the world. I sat panicking in this dark bedroom holding my (not even one year old yet) in my arms already worrying about the "someday"

Now this is how I know God knows me, because when I was probably about to have a heart attack from being one of "those" moms, I had a rush of comfort come over me. One I know to be the Holy
Ghost. I realized that this is how our father in heaven feels about each and every one of us. I finally realized what everyone ment when they said "Nothing helps you understands God's love for us like having your own child" My father in heaven was probably just as sad to see me leave, to have freedom to choose, to live my life more independently. I think it made me feel a little sad for him and also a little more comfort to me because like me, Liam truly belongs to the father and he wants to see him succeed in life just as much as I do if not more, he wants him safe, happy, and to return to him just like he wants all of us to do.

Anyway, I know this is quite the random rant but I guess what I found while holding my sweet gift from heaven in my arms was this. Liam DOES have to grow up, he has to deal with the filth and grime and heartache this world seems to have more and more of these days, but he is still my responsibility and I know that I can teach him to see the good. The clean, the wholesome, the happiness in this world and more than anything, I can teach him about this gospel. I can teach him that when he comes home, I will be there to listen, Colt will be there to give him blessings, and his siblings will be there in family prayers. I will teach him that though the world gets worse daily, the gospel and his faith can get stronger everyday if he allows and with the help of our family. This knowledge makes me want to be better, for me? Yes but mostly to ALWAYS be there to support my husband and help him in his callings and his testimony and to ALWAYS be there for my children in hard times and exciting times just like our Father is here for us.

I don't do this often, share my deep thoughts and love to the whole online world but I KNOW this gospel will stand in the last days, I know that when we have nothing left to give, our Father in heaven will give us his hand if we do what is asked of us on this earth and if we let him. I KNOW that families
are the foundation of who we are in this world, they are the ones who love us unconditionally and eternally. I know that the temples are houses of God, they are to beautiful and too perfect to be anything less than that. I know we have a true prophet who I support and love wholeheartedly and

who loves us too. I know that prayers and blessings from good men with the priesthood power do very much so effect our lives and help us have the strength to move forward. I also know that this world is slowly turning into something that no one wants to be a part of but if we keep our heads high, and our integrity even higher, that we can make it through this with the true church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I LOVE this gospel and I love all of those who pray for us and love us daily! Thanks for listening and don't forget to take sometime out of your busy weekends to keep your sabbath day holy and remember who we praise. Good night everyone!