To start off, I woke up this morning to my cute husband telling me "happy four month anniversary!!" Yup, it's been four months as of today! Wow! It's gone by fast I have to say. So how are we doing at four months... don't get me wrong Colt and I are fine, it's everything else that is hard..Colt has had a LOT of dental work done lately including root canals, teeth pulling, fillings on cavities, numbing, drugs, etc.. I feel so bad for him because he has gone through so much pain but so is our wallet. Colton is so good for me though, I believe that sometimes loose hope, but his answer to my crying and worrying? "Everything will be okay Sweetheart" I know girls, sometimes you REALLY don't want to hear those words, but lately... that's all that gets me through to the next day.
I also started dance up again and all I can tell you is I feel like a HUGE hole in my heart got filled by movement and music. I LOVE dance and have missed it so much. We learned a lyrical song and I put my all into it, no blood but good old yucky sweat and yes, MANY tears were put into that song. I'm so happy to be dancing again but I start feeling such guilt... should I be doing this while we put our blood, sweat, and tears, into jobs at the same time? I wish I was a millionaire, just for a day, to have that security, that feeling of no worries. Now hold up, I'm not saying money can suffice for happiness but worries... yeah.. maybe.. I'm sorry to sound so sad today and that's not what this blog was supposed to be about but today, I feel as if I need to use it as my own diary.
So many things lead back to money right now and I hate it. Should money make parents fight? Should money make my brother starve? Should money make my mind burst in pain? No... but does it? .. yup. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm looking for jobs, Sundays or not, schooling included or not. Sometimes I feel like my prayers hit the ceiling and come back full speed and hit me in the back just making me cry. I don't want to loose my hope, so I hold on with a shaking hand and aching heart but when does the hope pay off?
Again I ask are Colton and I okay? Yes, we have a home, we have food, we have a bed, and most importantly, we have each other and I'm so eternally grateful for that. Colton's love keeps me going with a smile on my face instead of a tear in my eye. Some days however, a girl just needs to cry and stress out about things but don't worry, I won't let it show.
I don't want this to be depressing to people so I will let you know that we do still go through our day with hope. I'm getting a lot done in school, we have gotten really quite a lot of debt paid off, and we are still madly in love with each other and I want everyone to know right now that that love will NEVER change. I know I sound sad but everyday Colt comes home, I smile and enjoy the time I have with him. We are paying off debt little by little and still have goals, newly weds, can I just tell you how immensely important it is to do this with each other?! Colton and I get so proud of ourselves when we get to check off something from that list that we have accomplished, I know for some, looking at a list of a bunch of things you HAVEN'T accomplished sucks but just realize that those goals mean you have more to enjoy and complete with your husband or wife by your side.
So our biggest goals right now? Get sealed in the temple to each other for eternity, have me graduate schooling, get an apartment, pay off our debt. I know we won't finish them next week but that's why their our goals, they are something to look forward to. We hope to be sealed in May 2012, we hope I'm done with school by 2012, we hope to have our own place by May 2012, we hope to pay off our debt by 2011. It might not all happen that way but hey, we have HOPE! I love you guys, thank you to everyone who prays for us, thank you to everyone who shows your love for us, and mostly, thank you to everyone who believes in us! We love you and feel blessed to have you in our lives! Sorry this was such a long post, just had to get it out. :)- Savannah Bird
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